Something happened last few days that made me loose my anger and self control. It should not have happened. It was very uncharacteristic of me. Not only did it reflect the end of rational actions on my part but also in a way dignified the others conduct. It was in retrospect it was an immature and uncivilized response to an unpleasant situation a disappointment with the others conduct. It happened after a very long time maybe 2-3 years that I used swear words and I felt very small after that I felt as if a part of me had fallen sick.

It made me feel as though I was at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. I should have expressed my angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner which was the healthiest way to express anger, that way I would have been respectful of myself and others. It also meant I was unable to control my outward behaviour, as also my internal responses, May be it was reflection of low tolerance of particular kind of obnoxious behaviour that  I allowed my internal rational thoughts to be overtaken by strong negative emotions that resulted in an outburst. 

I allowed my strong emotions to overcome my logical self

Why did it happen? As an angry person I was demanding healthy respect fairness and decent behaviour for I had not harmed or hurt anyone knowingly.  I guess everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but as an angry person I demanded them whereas it should have come naturally, and when this was not done, my disappointment become anger.

I should have used humour or changed the environment to better manage the situation but I guess my ego came in between. I could not walk away but ended up dignifying their conduct and at the end of the day it only hurt me for later I was angry with myself, sort of ashamed of my conduct  

 The people who saw it happen must have also been shocked and maybe disappointed and hurt. We have expectations of best from our friends and when a friend falls short we do feel let down. This is my way of saying sorry